I have noticed a pervasive theme while working with clients that are going through separation or divorce. It has been stated as, “I don’t usually take time for myself.” But the theme is much more than that, it is what lies behind these words that has inspired this post. It’s that “I never loved myself enough to be able to love someone else. I never lived my truth and expressed what I was feeling.” It is time for all us to take a moment to ask, “Do I love myself?”
Sana Dabbas, a Life Coach, once said, “if I asked you to name all the things that you love, how long would it take for you to name yourself?” Wow! What a powerful question! But if you think about that question, you would say probably say many other things before you even consider yourself. Some of us are taught the importance of loving ourselves and taking care of our self at an early age. Many however have not had the same fortune. Regardless, it is something that WE ALL STRUGGLE with, for to love oneself is not as natural as it should be.
As a child of the 80’s and 90’s, the process began with celebrating our uniqueness of who we are, how to manage stress, or be what we wanted to be. However, it was only the beginning. Since our parents were from the 50’s and 60’s we may have been told to “be practical, realistic” in pursuit of our careers, relationships and lives. Therefore, many suppressed their dreams, ideals and desires thus stifling the opportunity to live their truth, to love themselves and be free. Today our children are being taught differently. It is part of their everyday existence to celebrate their uniqueness, live their truth and be free. They learn to be mindful, to accept others for their uniqueness, to avoid labels and to love themselves. As parents, we do our best to encourage our children more than ever to follow their dreams of who they want to be. It is my hope as a parent that my children can live their truths and live freely. Our children’s relationships will be healthier by being able to be who they are and be able to love themselves. When we allow our truest selves to exist in the world, we promote self-love and we are free.
As adults, self-care can be a foreign concept and thus living our truest selves is a challenge. Children live from minute to minute, not day to day or week to week. They are present in the moment (except maybe when they are on their IPADs and phones). This is what we need to do as adults. We need to be more present in everything that we do. We need be present to love ourselves.
In the present moment is when we can live the freest. Our only concern is right here, right now. To be present means, to be in the moment, not dwell on the past or worry about the future. I often tell clients, “be here now”. Be in this moment. This is the moment we have, and we must make the most of it. When our minds drift into the future, the fear and anxiety creeps in and blurs our vision. What is holding you back from being in the moment, to be here now, to live your truth? Is it your fear to face the truth? Is it the fear of being judged or disappointed? Do you not see that you have choices? Are you stuck?
Being stuck creates inertia. It can feel like quick sand taking over. It is a perceived lack of control. But you have the power to change that. Take back your control and your power. Don’t let the imprisonment of the past stop you from moving forward. Live your truth. What are the things you love? It is time to take care of you, to name yourself.
Read: Part Two: Name all the things you love…continued
